everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
