I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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