I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
