she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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