So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
