She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
