I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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