I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
