weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
