New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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