Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
