the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
