but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
