Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
