but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
