i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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