Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
