I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize