I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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