she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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