So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do vagina's smell?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
