I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
