turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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