you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she looked like the before picture.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
