I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
