I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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