You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
