Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
