I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
