the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
