ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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