Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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