we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
