when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
