Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
