brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
