I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize