But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
wanna go halves on a baby?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
