I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
