dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
