Non-Jews are for practice
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
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