dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
this is an emotional support booty call
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
