i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
