who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize