I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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