Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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