4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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