He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
