This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
