Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
