As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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