I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
