I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
