Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We have started to decorate penises.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
