covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
