maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
