so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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