I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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