Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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