i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
