Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
