In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
