i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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