I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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