Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
