I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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