I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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