if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's shark week go big or go home
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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