whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
