Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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