Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
