He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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