if you like me you must not know who I am
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
