so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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