i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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