i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
