I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
