You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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