Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
