if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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