saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
