im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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