Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
